A “Weighty” Subject – Part Four

Just joining us?
Catch up with Parts 1-3 here, here, and here.

Let’s jump right on in.

I want to be very clear about something.
I am still actively recovering from my ED.

You will know then, why writing this story has been so challenging and raw for me.
Most of these things I have never shared with anyone.

But this is part of my healing.
Honesty.

I daily walk through this healing process.

I have grown so much, learned so much, and experienced both rising hope, and the bitter sting of failure.
I have experienced control, chaos, and confusion about my body and the way that I look.

When I met my husband, he brought a fresh and sometimes frustrating perspective into my life.
He was raised with a healthy and balanced attitude towards food and body image.

My attitude towards my ED at this point in my life is that this is work.
If you struggle with addiction, then you understand exactly where I am coming from.

A recovering alcoholic knows not to take a drink.
A recovering addict knows not to fill a needle.

What does a food addict do?

When faced with choices every day, the decision to feel guilt or to listen to my body…

I choose to listen to my body.

This means accepting that yes, I will have days where I may overindulge.
I might have days where I don’t feel very hungry, and maybe some days when I can’t shut the “food noise” off.
And I may gain weight, or I might not.

I read a quote recently.
I immediately wrote it on a post-it note and stuck to my desk at work.

I do not have a goal weight. I have a goal life.

This journey that I am on is not about fitting into my skinnies before the weekend.
It’s not about my last-chance workout before vacation.
And it’s most definitely not about the number on that scale every morning.

This journey is about healing.

HEALING?!!

That’s right.
You heard me.

That means not going on another diet, another cleanse, another detox, another ANYTHING.
It means paying attention to triggers, the way that I feel, and understanding how to cope without turning to food.

Allowing God to reveal those ugly and stubborn places in my heart that need TRUTH.

And lastly, giving me the wisdom to one day raise my own children in a healthy and protected home.
Free of guilt and gluttony.

And so, this is the final chapter of my story.
If you struggle with addiction and ED, I hope that you will find your healing too.

Cheers.

Third Grade. That's me on the left.

Eighth Grade.

Homeschooling. Eleventh Grade.

Eleventh Grade.

Graduation Photo. 330 lbs. I stopped weighing and photos after this point.

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Comments
5 Responses to “A “Weighty” Subject – Part Four”
  1. Angela says:

    I adore you Lindsey

  2. You’re amazing Linds.

  3. Jill says:

    Lindsey,
    You’re bold…and beautiful.

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